De-Centering Dating: A Love Story Back to Myself

The Breakup That Shook Everything

Girl… I’ve been single for almost three years now.

And honestly?It’s been the most confusing, healing, funny, humbling, soul-snatching experience of my life.

When I first separated from my kids’ dad, I thought I was stepping into my grown woman era.But looking back… I was really just a 17-year-old girl in a grown body with two kids and a breaking heart.

Truthfully?I thought we were going to be high school sweethearts forever.

Don’t ask me why , I couldn’t tell you.Love is blind, and apparently so was I. ( I do wear glasses)

The Baby That Wasn’t Mine

Around that time, my kids’ dad had a baby… and I stayed.Yep. I had a keep a nigga baby. It is what it is.

I won’t soften the truth...

.........that decision lived outside my moral compass.Looking back, the energy was heavy and my daughter absorbed it.That’s why I go so hard to pour softness into her now.

Energy transfers.I’m making sure her present is peaceful.

Trying to Make Up for Lost Time

When we separated, I felt like I needed to “catch up.”Emotionally, I was still stuck at 17 or 18 .... watching other girls live free while I was behind warming bottles at 2 a.m.

So when I became single, I sprinted toward that freedom.

And whew… decisions were made.

There was a solid moment where I had an OnlyFans name picked out:H-E-A-U-X Tales....

Don’t play with me.

And the ONLY reason I didn’t become a stripper was because I didn’t have childcare. I promise you.God be intervening.

I was moving with hurt , not clarity.Making choices that weren’t aligned with the real me.

Guilt + Growth

When my mind finally came back, the guilt ate me up.Those choices didn’t reflect who I was at my core.

But mistakes happen.We make it right.And we don’t do it again.

I’m hard-headed.. everything I know came from experience.

Not advice.Not books.Living.

Giving Myself Away

I wasn’t outside with everybody ...... don’t get it twitted.

But in the few situations I entertained,I still gave pieces of myself to undeserving people.

Men are as wounded as we are ,sometimes more.

And that’s when stepping back from dating became life-saving.

De-Centering Men Saved Me

The only way I learned any of this was by de-centering men.Taking off the rose-colored glasses.Thinking with my brain instead of fantasy.

It hurt.And sometimes I felt embarrassed.But it taught me this:

I just have a big heart.

Not stupid.Not weak.Just loving.

And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Falling in Love With Being Single

Once I healed, I started enjoying being single.

And baby ... I LOVE IT.

I can do whatever I want.Try new things.Explore.Grow.

Nobody calling my phone with drama.Nobody asking me to come home.Nobody driving my car into the ground.Nobody lying.Nobody cheating.

Just… peace.

This is my first year living in my OWN home not with family, not with roommates, not in someone else’s space.

Just me.My energy.My peace.

And I love it here.

I tried my outside era.I tried the “hot girl, heaux tales” experiment.One year was enough.

These men got too many problems,and I’ve got too big of a heart.

So you go heal yourself,and I’m gonna go get some boundaries.

Best trade I ever made.

What I Know Now

To learn:what I like,what I need,what I value,what I deserve.

I know my morals.I know who I am.I know what I will and will NOT deal with! I got Standards

YOU Are the Prize

If I leave you with anything, it’s this:

Take dating off the pedestal.Step back.Sit with yourself.Listen to your own voice.

Because once you learn who you are,you’ll see that relationships aren’t the prize

YOU are.