My Journey to Becoming a Baby Mama

I met my baby daddy in high school. He was my “high school sweetheart,” and my first real relationship. We grew up together, experiencing joy, heartbreak, and countless lessons along the way. But looking back, much of our journey came at my expense because I lacked self-love and accepted far less than I deserved.

From the beginning, my baby daddy showed me that he was just a young, selfish boy. I stayed, even when I knew I should have left, because I was desperate to fill a void and wanted so badly to feel loved. And in all honesty part of me wanted to save him so, he could save me. As time went on I learned We have to save ourselves.

In high school, I became pregnant but made the difficult decision to have an abortion. At the time, it broke my heart because I believed that baby was meant to be part of the family I dreamed of having. But as time passed, I came to understand that it wasn’t the right time or situation for me to bring a child into the world. LOL! I was literally in high school and very immature myself. 

In 2019, I got pregnant again, and this time, I had my son. I thought becoming a mother would bring clarity and change to my relationship, but I was wrong. My baby daddy continued to be selfish, and I convinced myself he just needed more time to grow up. I held onto the belief that he would eventually change.

By 2020, things took a turn for the worse. My baby daddy got another girl pregnant. Instead of walking away, I made the choice to get pregnant again. At the time, I was not ready to let go of the idea of us. I was dealing with jealousy, pain, and emotions I didn’t know how to process. In my head, we were still supposed to build this life together, and I thought having another baby would somehow make that happen.

Looking back, I can see how toxic the situation wasn't just between him and me, but within myself. Both of us were trying to one-up each other, caught in this cycle of unhealthy competition, and I was so deep in it that I didn’t recognize how much harm I was doing to myself.

In 2021, I gave birth to my daughter, and that was the wake up call I couldn’t ignore. Every time I looked at her, I felt this deep sense of shame and regret for the choices I had made leading up to her birth. I knew I wouldn’t want her to go through the same pain I had put myself through. If I didn’t want this life for her, why was I continuing to live it for myself?

By October 2022, I finally left. I walked away from my baby daddy at his mama’s house and decided I couldn’t do it anymore. Even then, I held onto the hope that we could be friends and co-parent peacefully. But over time, I realized he had never truly been my friend. He had been using me, and I had allowed it. I had ignored my better judgment for years, and that was on me.

Now, in 2025, my baby daddy is a weekend parent. While our kids love him dearly, the bulk of the responsibility falls on me as their primary caregiver. He’s moved on and is starting a new family, which initially upset me. I couldn’t understand how he could focus on building something new when he wasn’t fully present for the kids he already had. But at the end of the day, his choices are his own, and it’s not my place to judge.

One thing I can acknowledge is that the co-parenting relationship we have is not perfect it's actually very limited. That’s just the reality. But something I do appreciate is that, so far, his new baby mama has not gotten involved in our dynamic. In fact, I have her number and she has mine. She was willing to listen to me when I was reserved on letting my kids go spend the night at their house once they moved. I wish my bd would have introduced us to prevent the tension I had. But that's in the past. She doesn’t do those typical, messy things that unhealed women sometimes do. What goes on behind closed doors is their business, not mine, and I’m okay with that. It’s not my job to ponder on their relationship or let it consume my thoughts.

I truly believe that if there’s ever anything I need to know or handle, God will bring it to me in time. And mommies, let me be real: sometimes we have to look inward. It’s not always about what they’re doing; it’s about what we allow and how we choose to respond.

This journey has taught me so much about self-worth, boundaries, and growth. I’m not sharing this to bash my baby daddy but to speak my truth. I’ve made mistakes, stayed in situations longer than I should have, and ignored red flags. But I’m stronger now, and I’ve learned to prioritize myself and my children.

To anyone else navigating the challenges of co-parenting, heartbreak, or starting over: know that it gets better. The power to change your life is within you.

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