Taking Your Power Back

A real message for the mamas in the thick of it.

Let me be real. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I’ve got to say it.

Maybe it’s for me. Maybe it’s for you.

Either way, I’m saying it.

Because sometimes I feel like we’ve stopped talking about it.

We go through so much...as women, as mothers, as individuals and nobody checks in on how we’re really doing underneath it all. I’m not here to tell you how to feel, and I’m definitely not here to act like I’ve got it all figured out.

But I am here to share something I’ve been learning:

Taking your power back is personal. It’s not a one-day decision. It’s a process.

⸻

What Taking My Power Back Really Looked Like

If I’m being completely honest with you, my process started in 2022.

And it took three years.

It wasn’t just a wake-up-one-day-and-feel-empowered kind of thing. It was layers and years of unlearning — childhood wounds, parental trauma, abandonment issues, lack of confidence, lack of awareness — or better yet, I was aware, I just didn’t trust myself yet. or love myself enough. 

I had to:

• Realize that people’s opinions about me didn’t define me.

• Accept that I let certain red flags slide because I didn’t believe I deserved better.

• Unpack why I couldn’t look in the mirror some days without shame.

• Sit in my depression, not deny it, not avoid it. I was clinically diagnosed. That made it real.

I was stressed to the point where my body was reacting. I was sick ...physically, emotionally, spiritually.

And I had to ask myself:

“Is this what I want my kids to remember? That mama was surviving, not living?”

No.

I want to be here for them. Fully. Joyfully. Present.

I can’t change the past, but I can prepare for what’s next. And more importantly . I can learn from what I’ve been through. 

(I got a tattoo in 2016/2017 I can't remember which year, but before I had kids  that says, "The struggles of my past are the strengths of my future". Sitting here typing this blog post I have chills because...now I know, that was the future me (where I am now) letting the unhealed me know it's all going to be okay. It will always be okay. ) Full Circle moment...

Tuh...About My Baby Daddy…

Look, I’m gonna keep this part simple.

Because we all know how these situations can go. I don’t need to explain it. If you know, you know.

Here’s what I will say:

When a man feels like he “had” you once, he thinks he always can.

That’s ego. That’s not love.

And as long as you’re giving him your attention  (whether it’s positive or negative)  he’s still got some kind of control.

Take that attention away.

Just stop engaging.

You already know who this man is.

And when you really sit back and take accountability, you’ll probably see that you saw the red flags early on… and ignored them. I know I did.

Now? I just let people be.

His relationship with the kids or lack of... IS HIS BUSINESS. 

No more bitterness. No more anger.

I handle everything that comes with my kids.

They have an iPad. They can call him themselves. (I will call if they ask me)

If he doesn’t show up ... that’s on him.

Let people be who they are.

Let them reveal themselves.

And just go about your day. The program must go on.

And listen ...you’re allowed to feel bitter sometimes.

Don’t let anyone shame you for that. It’s a human emotion.

But don’t live there. 

Time goes by so, fast raising kids you don't want to remember always being mad to the point you can't remember the memories you created with your kids.

To the One Who Thinks She’s Not Enough…

Let me remind you:

You are that mama. You are that girl. You are really her.

Your story matters.

Your voice matters.

Your life matters.

God gave you the ability to create because He trusted you.

To nurture.

To love.

To lead your kids into the future He knows they deserve.

Even on the days you feel like you’re not doing enough ... they see you.

My kids? They see me.

They know I’m not perfect.

But they see I’m trying.

And that alone is everything.

You Were Meant to Create More Than Just Kids

You were made to create. Not just babies, but dreams.

Ideas. Movements. Love. Power.

God-given talents are still inside you...even if life has tried to bury them.

Sometimes we lose ourselves.

But that doesn’t mean we’re lost forever.

And sometimes the very thing you think is holding you back?

Is the very story that’s going to set you and someone else free.

                                     ....

Final Words for My Girls

To every mama out there trying her best to hold it down:

You are not what you’ve been through.

You are what you’re becoming.

So take your power back.

One day at a time.

One boundary at a time.

One “no” at a time.

One prayer at a time.

Don’t just survive motherhood. Thrive in it.

Not for them — but for YOU.

Because when you’re full, you raise full babies.

When you’re whole, you raise whole babies.

And when you love you, you show them how to love themselves.

TTYL <3

ShelbyB, The BabyMama Club 💛

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